Empty Shoes (production)
This really came out pretty neat….
The camera I’m shooting with is a Canon 40D.
My place was really dark so the quality kind of wasn’t what I wanted but I was bored, thus didn’t care.
But I know for sure in future projects involving short photo-films that they are going to be looking freaking sweet.
I used a tripod and just snapped away.
Imported the photos into Adobe Audition and set the frame rate.
Then I added audio and wahlaa!
Got rid of 75% of junk/crap, old stuff, clothes, and electronics that I don’t need anymore yesterday.
I have so much more space now, lol it’s quite sad…
Going through old stuff I got my hands a hold an old letter. What was written made me smile greatly. Almost forgot people can write such letters involving love that could effect me so much. Just reading every single word makes you want to skip ahead and read what you were expecting, a climatic finish.
Letters that move you, letters that transcend your reality and puts you in a state of serene. Sounds like my kind of writer. I’ll let her know about this later when we talk.
I need total the amount of miles I’ve been running so far this summer and the amount of days into my physical training. Hopefully i exceed my expectations.
——————————————
We got away, we got away and survived.
Stunned by the shock and fearing what’s behind.
Everything you thought you lived and died for,
Every reason leading you to here.
All of the sounds have trickled past your introspective ear,
In an attempt to discover what’s behind.
Branches twisting, reaching for the sky
Hands extending, waiting for this
Fell in another hole
For the knife, for the knife
Loss of control
For the knife, for the knife
I’m in another hole
For the knife, for the knife
Bleed myself dry
Save my life’ Save my life’.
Fell in another hole
For the knife, for the knife
Loss of control
For the knife, for the knife
Hands inflected clearly point my way,
Stunned by the sight and fearing what exists,
Everything you thought you lived and died for,
Every reason leading you to here,
All of the sounds have trickled past your introspective ear,
In an attempt to discover what’s behind’
Where is that?
Where can I be serene from certain realities?
Free of questions of irritation.
One can, no, must imagine such a place.
Imagining the touch of your skin.
The way one’s body reacts to time.
Soft lips.
Making stories to tell for future conversation pieces but only to ourselves. Dreams to make believe truth and satisfying the tension that’s been kept.
“I’ve got to get some of this pressure of my mind”, I say.
Unsure of what to say was made clear by the hesitance of your response.
They make songs about people like us.
I imagine reach for you, to hold tight and close.
Reciting creeds and promises.
I’ll make it back to you. You have someone that will come home to you. Will you come home to me?
We are each other. In each other, we are our homes.
———————————————————————–
I watched my guilt blossom before me
Like a tender shoot
With thirsty roots
O’ how my garden grows
The shameful seeds I’ve sown
I watched its stems sprawl above me
Its dark shadow cast its cloud around me
But I can live with it
I’ll live in it
There’s no place like home
Stretch your arms around me
Cast your cloud above me
Curtained, kept, and covered in
Your solemn vow,
“Ever you go, I’ll follow.”
Grow your roots within me
Drink of me you thirsty seed
I cower, cringe, and tremble at
Your solemn vow,
“Ever you go, I’ll follow you.”
There’s no place like home
There’s no place like home
(I can learn to live with this)
There’s no place like home
(If I can learn to live in it)
Heavied we’re so heavy
If she only knew just how sorry I was
(Heavied we’re so heavy)
If she only knows…
Sticks and stones won’t break my bones
It’s the branches and boulders I shoulder
Stick and stones won’t break my bones
I can live with it
If I can learn to live with this
If I can learn to live
Well last night was certainly interesting to say the least. Cecily’s 21st birthday was far better than my 21st a year ago. All our friends were there getting tore up. Bootleggers is actually a pretty sweet bar. The music is really loud but other than that its pretty chill. We were all pretty drunk and everyone just went out of control. haha. Level is a shitty bar whose bouncers don’t know shit. I’m glad we didn’t spend a lot of time there.
Anyway, I thought a lot last night and let some of my thoughts pour out. I don’t feel doing so was a mistake, just feel foolish now. A huge letdown but I’m going to stay hopeful and maybe things will work out down the line. Me and my bad timing. I’ve got to figure out a way to work on that shit…
——————————————
The phone called ended in such a way
That i wasn’t sure just what to say
Who to call, how to feel,
And won’t someone tell me is this even real, oh
I’m such a mess
I’m such a reck, oh
I’m such a mess
Is there some extra space,
On your floor
Next to your bed
And if you let me stay so
I’ll be there
Cause in the night time when your sleeping
I’ll be there to say
That i loved you and i left you anyway
Is there some extra space,
On your floor
Next to your bed
And if you let me stay so
I’ll be there
Cause in the night time when your sleeping
I’ll be there to say
That i loved you, I left you anyway
I was lost as a latchkey child
And I saw more than I could handle
Left alone
In the lonely isle
Left to stare into you
The phone called ended with drop me a line
I though about it long, and hard.
Don’t play me for the fool
Even though i’m just the fool for you
I’ll turn into a mess
And and and when the snow comes down
And covers up the ground
To see you for what you really are
Play me for the fool
Even though i’m just the fool for you
I’ll turn into a mess
And when the snow comes down
And covers up the ground
To see you for what you really are
The phone called ended in such a way
That I wasn’t sure just what to say
Who to call, how to feel,
Won’t someone tell me is this even real, oh
I’m such a mess
I’m such a reck, oh
I’m such a mess
So last week was probably the best week in an extremely long time, if not my life. Paid a visit to the base I was born, for a short while, and also the base where I lived for a few years. Robins and Eglin AFB. I got a little emotional, I wont lie. Being back there brings back good and very bad memories. Not much has changed since I lived there. The same restaurants are there. The same beach houses are there. The neighborhood we lived in still looked the same as we passed it on our way to Hurlburt field. I forgot what it felt like to live and travel around a base. Everyone has a mission whether it is small or huge. Everyone greets and has manners. A base is a team, everyone depends on everyone and expects them to carry out what it is their supposed to carry out. Everyone is sure of themselves. No hesitation. True Airmen.
This past weekend was Dining In and RWW (Rising Warhawk Weekend). Needless to say, it added to the list of memorable times spent with the Det. Just about every cadet got their first choice of AFSC they wanted. I’m really happy for them. RWW was….just freaking awesome. Hadn’t had something like that since O-Week. Waking up extremely early, doing PT, learning things, utilizing teamwork, motivation, it was just great. I lost my voice almost the first day in. RWW time spent training was the equivalent of 14 LLABs. That’s just crazy good. You can’t get better hand’s on training than that. All you cadets who didn’t participate, shame on you. For those of you who did go, we’re just closer and stronger as a group and as individuals. I’m proud to know you all.
With that being said, this whole week put me in a quite different perspective than I was recently. I see things hundreds times better than I previously did. I was 100 percent sure I wanted to be in the Air Force and as an officer, but now it’s raised to about 250 percent. I can’t see myself doing anything else. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get there.
Everything else in life, things aren’t clear at all. I’m having more and more spurts of indifference. Not be satisfied by anything. Just turned off. Many things don’t catch my interest as much and I feel like things can’t compare.
I have friends outside of ROTC but the majority of them get bored with me cause I’m different than I was. I don’t really joke around anymore. I just really love being around my cadet friends cause we seem to have tons in common. Maybe I need to make new friends outside of ROTC. Who the hell knows. But some of the friends I do have outside of ROTC are awesome, don’t get me wrong.
As far as girls and relationships go, it’s kind of hard to explain without pissing off or upsetting, but what can I say….
It’s an on and off thing. There are times I’m all for it, then there times I’m just disinterested, want to be left alone. The things I want out of life are still the same, I guess I’m just comparing my current situations to what I desire/want. I’m always evaluating the smallest things and major things. Sometimes I feel like no one can keep up with me. I know I’m not perfect of course, I have faults probably just as much as anyone else, if more. But again, that’s how I feel. I hold expectations, everyone is allowed to. If you didn’t have expectations then you’d just be settling. I for one, DO NOT want or like to settle for something I don’t want or need.
But again, I have spurts usually when I see something that brings me to the attention of being disinterested.
Anyway, the only sure thing in my life as of right now, is the Air Force and if that’s all I end up with because my other expectations in life aren’t met, so be it.
Well this past week has been pretty sweet. Sunday, Det 195 went rock climbing at Vertical Endeavors out in the suburbs. I had an awesome time. MY forearms were sore till Wednesday though.
Yesterday I must have had the best sleep I’ve had in a very long time. Almost 12 full hours of sleep, without ANYONE waking me up for anything too. YES 
PT yesterday morning made my legs really sore especially since I did a lot of walking after LLAB. Eh, so here I am now, sore once again. I have work in a few hours, then I think I’m going to do some laundry.
Next week is spring break!!! Which is pretty nice. I wish I didn’t have to close of Tuesdays though, I never get a chance to do any Spec Ops sessions because of it and on weekends if there is any, I can’t make it out to the burbs.
Two weeks is BASE VISIT!!!! SUPER STOKED FOR THAT!
That is all…
—————————————————–
Call off all of your plans
Push back all of your worries
Everything can wait as long as it has to
And it will
You can just let go
And let it rest a while
It all moves into place
Shake off all of that tension
Give up all of your heartache
The weight slips off of your shoulders
Everything’s lighter than you think
Let it fall apart
And come together again
And then it’s not the same
We don’t even know
Think back to remember why
How you became so afraid of life
There must be a reason why
You don’t even know
You’re only falling to rise again
You’re only lost to be found again
It only ends to begin again
Let it fall apart
And come together again
And then it’s not the same
I just wanna know
Cuz it’s time that we end the day
And you can’t even sleep at night
When will you realize
You don’t even know
You’re only falling to rise again
You’re only lost to be found again
It only ends to begin again
I saw like 4 Majors today. Two were pilots.
Is there some conference that’s going on here in Chicago that I don’t know about?
Whats up with that yo?
So I’m going to be in Florida in April for almost a week!!!
That’s pretty sweet. Base visits are freaking amazing I hear. So I should be expecting to learn a lot. That’s what I’m hoping anyway.
Also talking to other officers. I want to talk to a 2nd LT and a General. I doubt there will be any Generals on base but that would make my season.
——————————————–
You say love has given up
Yet here’s my heart, still filling up
Hoping that you will follow
Poetry inside my head
Thoughts sublime that must be said
Here am I, explaining why I care.
Still feel the warmth of you
Can’t get enough of you
Still think the world of you
Still want the rest of you
Still feel the best if yet to come
In the heart where love can grow
Takes to time for it to show
But sometimes we just don’t realize
Look into my eyes and see
A simple truth you… ll find in me
Here am I, explaining why…
Still feel the warmth of you
Can’t get enough of you
Still think the world of you
Still want the rest of you
Still feel the best if yet to come
I’m 22 years old…I’m being called old man by younger cousins now…that’s super..
Don’t really know whats going on tonight. We’ll seeeeeeee
Are always pretty sweet. PT in the morning and LLAB 3 hours after.
Good way to start a day and feel energized! HUA
hmmmm
Tonight should be fun as well….
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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