It’s just a midnight run…

All That We Fought For., originally uploaded by henry grey.

Phoenix is my savior!
Just listening puts me in such an energetic and wonderful mood.
Anyway, been on vimeo looking at amazing videos and found more inspiration for life.
Grats!

My top 3 destinations? France (put my A in French to good use…), South America, and Japan. End of story.

http://vimeo.com/5205973

http://vimeo.com/8423797

—————————–
Dahlias they come from me
A promise to get well
That ain’t working thinking that you’re no good
Don’t worry no I’m not the kind that kiss and tell

No Dahlias and Cherry-trees,
I don’t recall them anyway
Some lovers know it ain’t gonna wear out
To each his own the same
Look what you wasted

When the lights are cutting out
And I come down in your room
Our daily compromise
It is written in your signed armistice

And when the lights are cutting out
And I come down in your room
Well well decide as always
Here is your signed armistice

It’s time to follow, not to heat it up
Requesting this plane is a propeller
In the middle of the course when ambitions are low
Head-on close, hang on before you lose control

The octagon logo had to rip it up
The semaphore message on your lips
Some lovers know it ain’t gonna wear out
To each his own the same
What else is wasted ?

When the lights are cutting out
And I come down in your room
Our daily compromise
It is written in your signed armistice

And when the lights are cutting out
And I come down in your room
Well well decide as always
Here is your signed armistice

For lovers in a rush
For lovers always
Foreign lovers in a rush
Keeping promises
For lovers in a rush
For lovers always

———————————————

I’m a high school lover, and you’re my favorite flavor
Love is all, all my soul
You’re my playground love

Yet my hands are shaking
I feel my body reeling
Time’s no matter, I’m on fire
On the playground love

You’re the piece of gold
That flashes on my soul
Extra time, on the ground
You’re my playground love

Anytime, anywhere,
You’re my playground love.

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by Raleigh
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Reel in the moon, originally uploaded by c@rljones.

Sigh…where to begin? Just think back on how discouraged this girl makes me after my efforts…it’s so fucked up. I try to tell myself I’m not bothered by the way things turned out, but I am. Even though you made my efforts seem like they weren’t much…They were a lot. I guess she just didn’t understand how hard it is for someone who already has their whole life planned out short term, mid term, and long term, how hard it is to make changes when someone else comes into their life. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s not. I accommodated for her and I guess I’m still going to stick to what I was going to do…At least taking majority of online classes I can work more days and earn more money to pay off my debt and save to visit outside the country and continue to knock things off my bucket list rather than visit her a few times a month. Man she just doesn’t know what I was doing for her. Oh well. It’s her loss. Everyone knows I’m not a phone guy AT ALL. I fucking hate talking on the phone. But that’s what she loves so I gave her 3-4 hour convos almost every night. It’s been so long since I’ve made efforts for any girl. I coped with her faults and accepted that’s just who she is. She couldn’t do the same for me…that’s where you were selfish Kelly. I understand you were and are spoiled by family and other people, but you’re going to have to learn eventually that the world doesn’t work that way. Especially when you’re with a guy who has the type of goals I do. I got just drop everything at the drop of a hat. I just can’t completely change my career for you. Especially when almost everyday you have fucking mood swings the are beyond normal. But you know what, that’s not what even really bothers me. It’s the fact that you wouldn’t even apologize for treating me the way you do when you have mood swings, you just expected me to tend to everything you wanted, no compromise at all. Who the hell do you think I am?? She will know in the future what she lost and it’s a shame. I won’t be reading your blogs anymore either babe, cause I’ll probably read something that piss me off. Sorry. But I have to look forward and move on because there will be even better women I come across in the future who will like and love me for me and cope with my faults. What’s even more fucked up is that I know I’m going to miss her. What a shame…indeed.

——————————————————

The city feels clean this time of night just empty streets and me walking home to clear my head.
And though it came as no surprise. I’m affected more than I had guessed. By what was said.
If this loves not meant to be. If a hearts not ready to open. If the naked eye won’t see. It’s broken.
It’s that quiet time before the dawn. And I’m half past making sense of it. Was I wrong? Should I think to give it all.
In a world where not much ever seems to last long.
If this loves not meant to be. If a hearts not ready to open. If the naked eye won’t see. It’s broken.

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by Raleigh
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Planet Explosion #2, originally uploaded by sdecoret.

I don’t put a smile upon your face no more
I can’t make your heart shine like it did before
You don’t listen to my stories anymore
You can’t comfort me the way you did before

Was I too loud, was I too bad
Was I too open
Was I too high, was I too fast
Was I too close

I don’t feel your lips like the first kiss
I’d rather run away than sit to face the truth

Was I too proud, was I too hopeful
Was I too needing
Was I too crazy, was I too long
Was I too giving

No matter how far, no matter how long
I will be there

——————————————–

what a waste…

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by Raleigh
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love – with nana & jan, originally uploaded by mia takahara.

Well well well…this summer has come to a close and now it’s time to get back to business. I have to say, I’m pretty fucking excited to be back in the swing of things. The only thing I’ve done this summer worth doing was the Air Show.

Since I brought that up, I figure I should speak on that…
Where to begin…

Well last week definitely goes down as one of the best weeks of my life, without a doubt. I met some pretty HIGH PROFILE people. I met the USAF Thunderbirds. Talk to some pilots, their public affairs officer, and maintenance officer. I also met the F-15 Demo team pilots and crew as well. Just every officer I met had this down to earth attitude, so calm and relaxed. I was seriously living in a surreal world, I thought. Definitely thought that after meeting Major General Greg Feest. That man can down beers like nobody’s business! He was EXTREMELY cool and an average person. It’s incredible how you can talk to him and understand where he’s coming from. I mean any officer/enlistmen. Every military person I’ve met so far in my life has been so awesome. It’s so easy to just have a regular conversation…The Airmen that I know, I can trust them. It sucks that I cannot say the same for the civilian life. I’ve encountered so many liars these past few months. I mean, no one is perfect I guess…Is it so hard to apologize for the wrongs you’ve put on someone’s life?

I for one, know how bad karma returns to those who do wrong. It’s NOT pretty at all. I guess that is why I don’t beat myself up over things as much as I used to. All things happen for a reason. You take some punches in life from those who do you wrong, only for them to take the bullets in the end.

ROTC (my life) returns to me in a few days and I’m overly excited, I can’t even sleep! I’m so fucking motivated in so many ways to do the very best I can. I have things to prove to myself and I’m aiming for the very top of the mountain.

I’m getting into such great shape, it’s crazy. I just keep pushing myself, and I fucking enjoy every bit of it. PT 5-7 days a week makes me happy…I thought I’d never say that haha, but I love the way I feel after a great workout.

I guess thats one of the reasons why I’m starting Brazilian JiuJitsu…I love a challenge. It’s a very physical and demanding martial art. I plan on training a few days a week. To know I could be competition ready in as little as 3 months, depending on how much effort I put into it, is more motivation there alone!

Well….I’ll try to get some sleep now.
I leave you with a quote:

“All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible.” – T.E. Lawrence, Lt Col, RAF

———————————————-

We’re all just everyday people,
And there’s a part of you connected with everyone else
And there’s me and there’s you.
Oh no.
This plot can get so confusing.
Oh, if you only knew.
If I could I’ll take you with me but I’m here and you’re there.
Oh no.

Are you alone? Oh no.
Are you alone?

I’ll say it so you can hear me.
It’s a lonely truth:
“I’ve been spending all my time by myself without you.”
Oh no.

Are you alone? Oh no.
Are you alone?

And if you are let me hear it.
And if you’re not make you say to yourself
You’re so lucky as hell.
Have you ever needed help when you’ve been all by yourself? (Yeah)
Have you ever been home when everyones gone?
Are you alone?
Oh no.

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by Raleigh
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0900707-F-4883S-021, originally uploaded by US_Air_Force.

So I’ve been taking it easy on my physical training but that stops tomorrow and from now on. Instead of 1-2 intense workouts a week, I’ll be doing 4-6.
My eating habits have been a terrible burden on my physical health ethic and I’m forcing myself to really change that. I REALLY need a running partner for lakefront runs and other places. Mainly lake front runs though. So if you’re seriously interested, give contact me somehow and lets get started. I’m lifting more than I was when I started out so thats good. I can run more than I could before and thats also great. But I’m just not satisfied at all. There is always room for improvement and I feel I have so much room and I want to decrease that gap.

I REALLY feel that I need to stop worrying about silly women and focus on the things that really matter in life. It’s so hard, lol, but I’m trying. Trust me, I’m trying.

The summer is about half way over and I need to really kick things into gear.

More reading of the Airman’s manual, more reading of the field training manual, start thinking of goals I want to set and carry out for AAS candidate class, and get on the ball of transferring schools in the spring.

———————————————-

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
Was the hardest part

And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart

And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You’re a silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
I wonder what it’s all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it’s just comes undone
And everything is torn apart

Oh and it’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part

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by Raleigh
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It’s not about who you are, but when you’re not, originally uploaded by jonmartin ().

So, I’ve been writing songs. I find myself having a lot of free time on my hands now basically shutting myself off. It’s nice to see who cares by sending a text my way and what not. Thanks.

I wrote these lyrics for a s song I’m trying to complete.

“When I see you, I want to dream of us
But I tried to save you.
Lost words you fed me, what do I do
But I tried to save you.”

Kinda able to hear those lyrics on my youtube entry.

It’s sad that when the person you want to be able to know is thinking about you or things of that nature, actually is, really isn’t. You’d think they’d call or something.

There is just too much on my mind. Far too much.

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by Raleigh
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originally uploaded by chrisfriel.

A happy birthday is in hand for my grandmother. Happy Birthday Grandma Violet! Just got off the phone with her and I haven’t really heard from her in awhile so it was good to talk to her. She asks me if I’ve found a new girlfriend yet…I laughed…I tried explaining to her how the majority of women are here in Chicago and how difficult it is to find one who is reliable, honest, and doesn’t just seem to care that not talking or ignoring seems to be alright. See, I’m old-fashioned. So I’ve figured that’s why as far as relationships go, I don’t and haven’t had the best of luck. But whatever…

I’m listening to Frank Sinatra right now singing “My Funny Valentine” and “Like Someone in Love”

Something about listening to music from the past that set me at ease.

This wine tastes so good. As it too puts me at ease, I think about certain mistakes. Though I do not regret anything, I certainly learn, hopefully.
I really need these next 3-4 years to go by fast for me. I do wish it so much.

——————————————————-

lately
i find myself out gazing at stars
hearing guitars
like someone in love

sometimes the things I do astound me
mostly whenever you’re around me

lately
i seem to walk as though I have wings
bump into things
like someone in love
each time i look at you i’m limp as a glove
and feeling like someone in love

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by Raleigh
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Empty Shoes (production)

This really came out pretty neat….

The camera I’m shooting with is a Canon 40D.
My place was really dark so the quality kind of wasn’t what I wanted but I was bored, thus didn’t care.

But I know for sure in future projects involving short photo-films that they are going to be looking freaking sweet.

I used a tripod and just snapped away.

Imported the photos into Adobe Audition and set the frame rate.

Then I added audio and wahlaa!

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by Raleigh
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Light-Cell, originally uploaded by Abzzolum.

Got rid of 75% of junk/crap, old stuff, clothes, and electronics that I don’t need anymore yesterday.

I have so much more space now, lol it’s quite sad…

Going through old stuff I got my hands a hold an old letter. What was written made me smile greatly. Almost forgot people can write such letters involving love that could effect me so much. Just reading every single word makes you want to skip ahead and read what you were expecting, a climatic finish.

Letters that move you, letters that transcend your reality and puts you in a state of serene. Sounds like my kind of writer. I’ll let her know about this later when we talk.

I need total the amount of miles I’ve been running so far this summer and the amount of days into my physical training. Hopefully i exceed my expectations.

——————————————

We got away, we got away and survived.
Stunned by the shock and fearing what’s behind.
Everything you thought you lived and died for,
Every reason leading you to here.
All of the sounds have trickled past your introspective ear,
In an attempt to discover what’s behind.

Branches twisting, reaching for the sky
Hands extending, waiting for this

Fell in another hole
For the knife, for the knife
Loss of control
For the knife, for the knife
I’m in another hole
For the knife, for the knife
Bleed myself dry
Save my life’ Save my life’.

Fell in another hole
For the knife, for the knife
Loss of control
For the knife, for the knife

Hands inflected clearly point my way,
Stunned by the sight and fearing what exists,
Everything you thought you lived and died for,
Every reason leading you to here,
All of the sounds have trickled past your introspective ear,
In an attempt to discover what’s behind’

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by Raleigh
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great sand dunes, originally uploaded by g. s. george.

Where is that?
Where can I be serene from certain realities?
Free of questions of irritation.
One can, no, must imagine such a place.

Imagining the touch of your skin.
The way one’s body reacts to time.
Soft lips.

Making stories to tell for future conversation pieces but only to ourselves. Dreams to make believe truth and satisfying the tension that’s been kept.

“I’ve got to get some of this pressure of my mind”, I say.
Unsure of what to say was made clear by the hesitance of your response.

They make songs about people like us.
I imagine reach for you, to hold tight and close.
Reciting creeds and promises.
I’ll make it back to you. You have someone that will come home to you. Will you come home to me?

We are each other. In each other, we are our homes.

———————————————————————–

I watched my guilt blossom before me
Like a tender shoot
With thirsty roots
O’ how my garden grows
The shameful seeds I’ve sown
I watched its stems sprawl above me
Its dark shadow cast its cloud around me
But I can live with it
I’ll live in it

There’s no place like home

Stretch your arms around me
Cast your cloud above me
Curtained, kept, and covered in
Your solemn vow,
“Ever you go, I’ll follow.”
Grow your roots within me
Drink of me you thirsty seed
I cower, cringe, and tremble at
Your solemn vow,
“Ever you go, I’ll follow you.”

There’s no place like home

There’s no place like home
(I can learn to live with this)
There’s no place like home
(If I can learn to live in it)

Heavied we’re so heavy
If she only knew just how sorry I was
(Heavied we’re so heavy)
If she only knows…

Sticks and stones won’t break my bones
It’s the branches and boulders I shoulder
Stick and stones won’t break my bones
I can live with it
If I can learn to live with this
If I can learn to live

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by Raleigh
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